In love but a little lazy

Too tired to write. Yet I feel the need to dedicate some space to my latest heartthrobs…

Ranbir Kapoor and M S Dhoni!

My mom fell for the father, I fell for the hot 'son':

I also fell for a fella-cancerian, the hot 'Dhon':

Waah!! Kya banaya hai bhagwaan ne :)

Control Engineering

Habit is either the best of servants or the worst of masters.

After three months into my first stint, I realize that meeting sales targets traveling all day in KSRTC buses, in tiny villages, in this ceaseless rainfall, in places where all you get in the name of vegetarian food is a Kerala porotha and pazhampuri,,,, ain’t easy :(

Esp. if you’re in a country where you don’t know the language. Esp. if you are a girl. Esp. if you’ve screwed up habits!
Lore says, Control is the key to success. I don’t disagree.

• I love drinking water. I used to drink lots and lots and lots of it before I realized, I was searching for a clean loo every two hours while doing the market. The thought of using a public toilet killed me. Once I made my salesman sit in a coffee shop, while I used the washroom. My (water) drinking habits were getting too much to handle. Mornings would be spent answering the million dollar question, "where would I get a clean place to pee in this little town if I need to??" Thus, I decided to control my water intake. Now my early mornings and late evenings are spent savoring the liquid :) I hate to admit, but I envy indian men when it comes to this. They pee anywhere, everywhere. Shamelessly. They don't even need a clean place (I've never met any guy searching for one!!).
  

• Another place where I quickly need to get my control mechanisms working, is my back slapping habit. I somewhere am of the contention, that if people are really relishing their work, they’d do a lot of real hard back slapping to each other. I realized how culturally insensitive I was the first time I hit my mallu salesman on the back. He instantly moved away several meters and till date refuses to work with me coz he is a brahmachari!!

• Thirdly and most importantly, it’s the parlance. They don’t understand when I ask them for directions in hindi or english but they’d give me a dirty look when I use the F word. I’ve learnt that there are some not-to-be-uttered-words (even when you know the other person doesn’t know your language) like sex, daroo, love, kiss to name a few. Hindi Gaalis like BC, MC, C*****, G***** should never-never-never be used. They eat drink sleep in Malayalam but abuse in hindi. And I..., gotta control baby!

I listen to Janet chechi’s song, for inspiration nowadays:

This is a story about control, my control
Control of what I say, control of what I do
And this time Im gonna do it my way
I hope you enjoy this as much as I do
Are we ready? I am? cause its all about control
And Ive got lots of it

- Janet Jackson, Control

Oft repeated words of wisdom

"fat rahi hai..."

"mara raha hoon..."

"kat gaya hai..."

"baja di..."

Golden Rule : Don't ask 'kya' after anyone says any of the above

Thanks to sales.

Mundu Mafia!!

One of the most noticeable and interesting things about Kerala is the mundu men wear and the way they wear it. It is supposed to be graceful and all but frankly, it looks like some shady lecher’s wrap around esp. when they fold it up to their knees and ride bike or sit stiff on a platform with their legs apart....!!!

Worst is when they start scratching their crotch or they lift it up to wipe their faces.

Here is a picture I clicked when I was ‘doing’ the market.

And they thought they were leching!!

Choosing Choicelessness

Visiting parents is fun! Especially when you do that in 4-5 month gaps (and not for more than one week). My aim is to savor as many homemade sweets as possible in that little time. My mum, on the contrary, has a well defined agenda of ‘topics to discuss’. Now these ‘topics to discuss’ are forbidden territories which will remain untouched in the normal course of time.
But things have changed now. As I’m done with my studies, I’m working and I stay in a different part of the country altogether, these topics have gained undue importance and HAVE to be conferred on atleast once in my visit to Jaipur.
What I fear most are the ‘talks’ of ‘mutual agreement’ which are nothing less than traps I fall for. I very well know that my mom’s perennially worried about me and is out of answers when our relatives ask her about my plans. While talking to me she acts like one of those super cool moms and what I do with my life is the last thing on her mind. Her initially indifferent facade with hidden anxiety is truly commendable though it starts to wear off as the conversations progresses. But with her experience in dealing with me over the years and a couple of nods from Dad, she regains ground and fights back!

You can read the rest for yourself.

Few days back..
Mum: Parul, what are your plans?
Me: As in?
Mum: See, we are not in a hurry
Clueless me!!
Dad: She should be making her own choices
Mum: Arre… that’s what I’m saying. Let her take her own time. Parul you have full one and a half year! If you have someone in mind let us know
Me: What the f….hell! Just 1.5 years? Nanana… I’m out of the conversation already
Dad: Your mom’s crazy. You chill. You should make your own choices
Mom: Ya ya..we have never stopped you from doing what you wanted all your life. Just be sure this time.
Me: Aaarrree meri maa…kkkya zabardastii hai?
Dad: We are ok with anyone you’ve chosen or will chose. Make sure he is dependable in terms of job and background.
Mom: Just make sure he’s a hindu …Not only a hindu, we need a Brahmin only. Nahi toh what will others say?
Me: Anything else?
Mom: Don’t get so worked up. We know where you’ll adjust. You’ve been in Rajasthan most of your life. You won’t gel well with a southie.
Dad: So you want a north indian Brahmin?
Mom: No I want a Rajasthanii… preferably from Jaipur. Our Parul will be close by and she’ll have no culture-issues:)
Parul: Waah waah... so you want a guy who has first-class degrees and a first-rate job plus a cultured family and no bad habits and happens to be a north-indian preferably a Rajasthanii brahmin and that too from Jaipur!! I thought I was the one making choices!!
Mom: We’ve given you our requirements you are free to find one for yourself. Stay within these limits if you actually want to see us happy!!

I only know how much I detested this topic before the conversation started and how glad I was towards the end (not because of the playground I got but because the conversation ended). No marks for guessing that I’ve asked mum and dad to do the needful as my playfield in the Venn diagram is too small for me to exercise my options.

In other words, like a lot of other times, I fell for it, I chose choicelessness.

It ain't the age. It's the mileage.

One thing I particularly dislike about some elderly men is that they think they are all Eugene Levys from American Pie. So according to them they are cool, chilled-out gentlemen and their age gives them the license to do/say what they like.

I can’t understand why they can’t act their age, why do they have to share weird jokes with young females and why they do all the unmentionable things they do.

Some years back I met this pot bellied 55 + colonel at my cousins’ regimental dining-in party. He’d greet you very nicely by shaking hands and would keep shaking till you fall below your decencies and draw your hand back. When I got tired of his patting my back, his unnecessary flattering talks and his cheap preposterous jokes about desperation levels in the army, I asked him what his age was.

“FFFFFifty eight…. But I am so young at heart!!” responded the colonel reluctantly. He said ‘Fifty’ as if it were the ultimate F-word on planet.

Young at heart and slightly old at other places.

“But see young lady I am still in shape”

Yeah, and round’s the shape.

“Yeah colonel, you look 18, with 40 years of experience” I said.

Next he asked me if I had met other officers of the regiment.

Experiments with Bubba - No men or two!

Her introduction would take too long but it should suffice that Bubba is close my heart and we call each other for counseling for all the major and minor ****-ups in life. What is of even more importance is that this is her first relationship and she believes in giving 100% (of what… I don’t know).

I’m neither trying a Salvador Dali here nor is it an effort to kill Bubba’s little-of-what-is-left called love life. It’s her final resolution after due consideration of not receiving adequate attention from her beau. Well, as far as Bubba is concerned two catches here:

One, the final resolution is often followed by a Final-2, Final-3, Final-Final, Super Final and Master Final (like Transcend ’06 budgets) resolutions.

Two, Bubba’s definition of ‘adequate’ differs from most of the species in most cases. When it comes to food, one idli would do. When it comes to romance, 10 hours on the phone wouldn’t be enough. You would have guessed it by now, Bubba is on a LDRP, generally known as Long Distance RelationshiP (read Love Decreasing Romance Perishing).

Scene 1

One day when Bubba Boy came to meet Bubba (they were not on talking terms as usual), I was dragged along as the mediator. I sat pokerfaced in a corner as there was hardly a conversation to mediate on. To get a little attention Bubba Boy took out a cigarette and put it in his mouth like Bond.

Bubba: “What are you doing?”

Bubba Boy: “Sorry I forgot to ask the ladies…Do you mind if I smoke?”

Bubba: “Why are you doing this to yourself….and me? What’s wrong? Are you OK? When did you start all this?”

Bubba Boy: “Why don’t you talk to me? What else could I do?”

Bubba: Oh baby!! I’m so so sorry! Trust me I’ll never be angry again. I love you!

Bubba Boy: I love you too baby! (Throws the cig away)

As always Bubba fell for this cheap tactic.

Meeting ended. Vacation ended. Bubba Boy returned to Delhi. And with that he returned to his old self too.

So after a lot of ‘missing him in his absence’, and repetitively telling him the same with no visible outcome, Bubba decided to **** all thoughts about him, **** his case and give **** to what is called relationship ethics. After due deliberation and deceptively pleasing abstinence from other men, she settled for the very popular, “No men or two” strategy and ended her play with chastity. Everything changed – from her attire to attitude.

Scene 2

Bubba Boy has come to meet her again.

Bubba Boy: “Do you mind if I smoke?”

Bubba: “I don’t mind if you burn”.

End of meeting. End of Love life. End of story. Suggestion to all my girl friends….

Follow Bubba if you wanna give them a hard time.

Don’t listen to ‘White Flag’ by Dido. Not worth it.