Friday, December 15, 2006
So, no matter how much you enjoy your privacy, like to read when traveling or are a strict follower of mamma’s pointers (“Don’t talk to strangers!!”) since the age of four - The cosmos conspires against your abstinence and you find yourself making lousy conversations with people whom you’ve never met before and might never gonna meet again. As a matter of fact, the designing is done in such a manner that the compartment resembles a typical indian drawing-room. If you don’t wanna talk, jump to the berth on the top and sleep (we don’t care if you snore), If you wanna stay here…listen to us…Listen to what my sons do…where they work….what my sister-in-law’s daughter pay package is…hear me today like there’s n tomorrow..
13th December, Mumbai-Jaipur Express
Coach AS 3, Seat Number : 35
Aunty 1: Dhokla?
Parul: No thanks aunty.
Aunty1: What do you do? Why are you going home?
Parul: MBA, Placements over, Break, blah blah ….
Aunty1: Oh good. By the way my sister-in-laws daughter also did MBA…her package is in crores.
Parul: Where does she work?
Aunty1: York…New York
Parul: York or New York?
Aunty1: Somewhere there.
Zoooperb! York’s close to London and NY in the US…
Just note the level of know-how of a far off relative she’s so proud of!
Uncle 2 jumps in the conversation with slightly more articulate facts.
Uncle 2: I also have a cousin who earns in crores. She works in California and is above 35. We can’t find a groom for her.
Aunty 1: Ya…ya… you are right. These girls these days, aiesi hi hain yeh ladkiyaan… na ghar basana chahhtee hain na ghar basega..
Unable to make any kind of contribution to such a conversation, I shifted my attention to a four year old who started screaming as soon as I put some music on my laptop.
Everyone started staring at me in the compartment as if they had seen me snatching a chocolate from the child. Not knowing what to do I gave my typical I-haven’t-done-anything-god-save-me-look to the kid’s mum. The unforthcoming mother then requested me to play the inscrutable request of her son– ‘Khaike paan banaraswala’ from Don.
The child went into hibernation half an hour later… Phew!!
Another funny sight was two boys who had brought stuff from home to make sandwiches!! Raw tomatoes, potatoes, cucumber, butter and a packet of bread!!!
These are few of the many encounters I’ve had in my trips to and from home to Pune. Train trips all in all are an amazingly interesting peek into dissimilar POVs, psyches and lives of so many different people.
For most of the people they are just to be forgotten conversations in trains, for some these rendezvous are a pastime, for some they are pure bullshit, for a marketer they are consumer interaction, for the talented - an audience, for egotists they are agreeable listeners and for people like me they are another reason to write a blog.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Her introduction would take too long but it should suffice that Bubba is close my heart and we call each other for counseling for all the major and minor ****-ups in life. What is of even more importance is that this is her first relationship and she believes in giving 100% (of what… I don’t know).
I’m neither trying a Salvador Dali here nor is it an effort to kill Bubba’s little-of-what-is-left called love life. It’s her final resolution after due consideration of not receiving adequate attention from her beau. Well, as far as Bubba is concerned two catches here:
One, the final resolution is often followed by a Final-2, Final-3, Final-Final, Super Final and Master Final (like Transcend ’06 budgets) resolutions.
Two, Bubba’s definition of ‘adequate’ differs from most of the species in most cases. When it comes to food, one idli would do. When it comes to romance, 10 hours on the phone wouldn’t be enough. You would have guessed it by now, Bubba is on a LDRP, generally known as Long Distance RelationshiP (read Love Decreasing Romance Perishing).
One day when Bubba Boy came to meet Bubba (they were not on talking terms as usual), I was dragged along as the mediator. I sat pokerfaced in a corner as there was hardly a conversation to mediate on. To get a little attention Bubba Boy took out a cigarette and put it in his mouth like Bond.
Bubba: “What are you doing?”
Bubba Boy: “Sorry I forgot to ask the ladies…Do you mind if I smoke?”
Bubba: “Why are you doing this to yourself….and me? What’s wrong? Are you OK? When did you start all this?”
Bubba Boy: “Why don’t you talk to me? What else could I do?”
Bubba: Oh baby!! I’m so so sorry! Trust me I’ll never be angry again. I love you!
Bubba Boy: I love you too baby! (Throws the cig away)
As always Bubba fell for this cheap tactic.
Meeting ended. Vacation ended. Bubba Boy returned to
So after a lot of ‘missing him in his absence’, and repetitively telling him the same with no visible outcome, Bubba decided to **** all thoughts about him, **** his case and give **** to what is called relationship ethics. After due deliberation and deceptively pleasing abstinence from other men, she settled for the very popular, “No men or two” strategy and ended her play with chastity. Everything changed – from her attire to attitude.
Bubba Boy has come to meet her again.
Bubba Boy: “Do you mind if I smoke?”
Bubba: “I don’t mind if you burn”.
End of meeting. End of Love life. End of story. Suggestion to all my girl friends….
Follow Bubba if you wanna give them a hard time.
Don’t listen to ‘White Flag’ by Dido. Not worth it.