I am a loser

Everyone in the world specializes in something....My mom in scolding me, my sister in mocking at me, my dog in licking, my friends in making fun of me, Air Deccan staff in stealing........ I specialize in losing.

I look at a loser when I look at the mirror.

I lost my phone again.... :(

Dad said, " are you sure, you lost only the phone...?"

O kerala!!

I’m sad.

I’m leaving Kerala tomorrow and, I don’t know why, its hitting me bad.

Some things I’ll miss:

Uncle, Aunty and Kalyani

Watching the backwaters from the bus window

Getting drenched everyday

Kerala rice and avial

Weekly strikes

The smell of fresh banana chips

Ayyappan temples

Cocoa Tree, Cochin

The Mundu Mafia

And the zha zha zha

And lots of other small-big things. I know I’ve missed a lot of things. Hope, God’s Own Country gives me a second chance.

Chak de - One of the 3 best things in the last 3 months

1) SRK

Every one will love him…… Coz he is sexy!! Coz he gives his typical eyebrow twitch in the end (and only when required). In his white shirt and Rayban sunglasses, gives his fans a mini turn on!
I sometimes felt he was going through a MPD coz when sitting with the ‘Association’ in the conference hall he’d throw chutzpah filled declarations bilkul absentmindedly and would shift his gaze from one person to another as if he were Russell Crowe from ‘A Beautiful Mind’. ..Then again, he’d get into ‘Any Given Sunday’ Al Pacino’s shoes, trying to buck up his girlies against the indian men’s hockey team.

2) It gives you wings!

Its beyond imagination of an average mind. About Hockey! About Women hockey! About victory in women hockey!!! For 2.5 hours it took me to a utopian world where we defeated New Zealand, South Africa, England, Australia..!! Indians are emotional fools, hence all of us will love this movie as it beautifully roasts on something each one of us yearns for – Victory, Redemption, Pride…Public’s applause and screams at every goal, every slap, every revelation proves that we ache for impetus and we constantly need the ‘Go India!!!’ slogan behind us.

3) The girls!!

They make it great. The haryanvi tomboy, the chandigarh sex bomb, the jharkhand pair, the ill-tempered sardarni everyone rocked, me likes the bitch-turned-princess Bindiya Naik (Shilpa Shukla) in the movie.

Though, Vidya Malvade (Vidya Sharma) disappointed me. She did nothing apart from being right all the time and screaming ‘Vidya Sharma, India’ thrice. She was a puppet captain to the hockey team, just like BJP would say our PM is to our country. SRK played Soniya ji on-screen and didn’t let her do any captainship :P

4) The eve- teaser hammering

This one, I personally loooved! They rocked at it. I wished it were in the field so that the ladies could use hockey sticks instead of floor vipers. Mast dialogue by SRK, “kya karien hamare hockey mein chakke nahi hote”

5) The Product Placements

Ultratech and Puma couldn't find a better platform. I don't think McDonalds and Aaj Tak were really placements.Dunno if McDonalds should have let their venue to the director to host a brawl.... The SRK-Aaj Tak reporter scuffle and then the blame game highlighted the askewed vision of the media. It might bring a bad name to the media house.

In the end, there was something that confused moi!

Coach Kabir Khan says it hazaar baar, “Ham India ke liye khel rahe hain, fir apni team ke liye, aur uske baad agar himmat ho toh, apne liye”. Nice line Coach!!

But I think Kabir ji was coaching for something else, something very personal to him. He didn’t start coaching coz he wanted the Women’s team to win or because he loved his country. He started because he wanted to prove a point and take off the ‘gaddaar’ label. I found Kabir’s role contradictory to what went in his mind. But nevertheless, I loved it.

Control Engineering

Habit is either the best of servants or the worst of masters.

After three months into my first stint, I realize that meeting sales targets traveling all day in KSRTC buses, in tiny villages, in this ceaseless rainfall, in places where all you get in the name of vegetarian food is a Kerala porotha and pazhampuri,,,, ain’t easy :(

Esp. if you’re in a country where you don’t know the language. Esp. if you are a girl. Esp. if you’ve screwed up habits!
Lore says, Control is the key to success. I don’t disagree.

• I love drinking water. I used to drink lots and lots and lots of it before I realized, I was searching for a clean loo every two hours while doing the market. The thought of using a public toilet killed me. Once I made my salesman sit in a coffee shop, while I used the washroom. My (water) drinking habits were getting too much to handle. Mornings would be spent answering the million dollar question, "where would I get a clean place to pee in this little town if I need to??" Thus, I decided to control my water intake. Now my early mornings and late evenings are spent savoring the liquid :) I hate to admit, but I envy indian men when it comes to this. They pee anywhere, everywhere. Shamelessly. They don't even need a clean place (I've never met any guy searching for one!!).
  

• Another place where I quickly need to get my control mechanisms working, is my back slapping habit. I somewhere am of the contention, that if people are really relishing their work, they’d do a lot of real hard back slapping to each other. I realized how culturally insensitive I was the first time I hit my mallu salesman on the back. He instantly moved away several meters and till date refuses to work with me coz he is a brahmachari!!

• Thirdly and most importantly, it’s the parlance. They don’t understand when I ask them for directions in hindi or english but they’d give me a dirty look when I use the F word. I’ve learnt that there are some not-to-be-uttered-words (even when you know the other person doesn’t know your language) like sex, daroo, love, kiss to name a few. Hindi Gaalis like BC, MC, C*****, G***** should never-never-never be used. They eat drink sleep in Malayalam but abuse in hindi. And I..., gotta control baby!

I listen to Janet chechi’s song, for inspiration nowadays:

This is a story about control, my control
Control of what I say, control of what I do
And this time Im gonna do it my way
I hope you enjoy this as much as I do
Are we ready? I am? cause its all about control
And Ive got lots of it

- Janet Jackson, Control

Oft repeated words of wisdom

"fat rahi hai..."

"mara raha hoon..."

"kat gaya hai..."

"baja di..."

Golden Rule : Don't ask 'kya' after anyone says any of the above

Thanks to sales.